


In which James is a doggo and is threatened by balls

by WoozleBucket



Series: Sugar Pine 7 Drabbles [4]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF, Sugar Pine 7
Genre: Spooky Pine 7 AU, but better because I'm writing it, doggo - Freeform, it's like AH's Spooky Scary AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 11:25:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11758854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WoozleBucket/pseuds/WoozleBucket
Summary: What the title says.





	In which James is a doggo and is threatened by balls

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone (somehow) not on the discord server, this is the Spooky Pine 7 au. I can't describe it well enough here, so go look for it on Tumblr.
> 
> In other news, I feel really weird being like the only one posting anything for this fandom on here.

Whoever the fuck invented the squeaky ball can fuck right off.

Two assholes, a vampire and a demon, are walking around the neighborhood squeaking two of the aforementioned balls as they look for James. He’s reminded of that one part of Roger Rabbit, the part where Christopher Lloyd says something about no toon being able to resist ‘Shave and a Haircut’, and compares it to his current situation. Every time they squeak a ball, his body tenses and he almost runs out of hiding. No self-respecting dog can resist one squeaky ball, let alone two. It’s a good thing that James lost all of his self-respect when he found out that he turns into a golden retreiver every full moon.

“Dude, what’s the point?” the vampire asks. The demon looks affronted and squeaks his ball even harder, making James perk up despite himself.

“What’s the point?” The demon asks. “The point is that you tried to suck this guy off-”

“Please don’t say it like that,” The vampire interrupts. He sounds as tired as James feels.

“You tried to suck this guy off-”

“Okay, again-”

“Fuck, Steve, quit interrupting me!” The demon exclaims. “I’m trying to help!” James isn’t quite sure how this demon is helping the other being (Steve? He doesn’t know them well enough to be on a first name basis) but the less time focused on finding him, the better.

“If you wanted to help, you would let us go home!” The vampire huffs. “We need to finish packing for Coachella.”

“Naw, dude, we need to revenge you! The guy turned into the cutest dog ever and tried to bite your finger off! Coachella can wait.”

Steve stops walking and turns to the demon in shock. “I’m sorry, did you just say that Coachella can wait? Coachella waits for no man!”

The demon stops walking and squeaks his hell ball in the vampire’s face as slowly as possible. James takes this opportunity to rush out from under the car and make a break towards the woods. He makes it a couple of feet before the vampire spots him and gives chase. The demon soon follows and James distantly wonders what this must look like to people looking out their windows at two in the morning. 

“Get back here you fucking dog!” the vampire hisses.

“Ignore him,” the demon says, tossing that fucking dog toy into the air and squeezing it as he catches it. “He hasn’t eaten in two weeks!”

If there wasn’t a demon there, James would have turned around and ripped the vampire’s throat out, buying him enough time to run far enough that he couldn’t be tracked. He can handle a weakened vampire no problem. Seeing an opening, James makes a break for it between the demon’s legs, unfortunately the demon picks him up and staggers slightly as James wiggles around whining, trying to escape.

“You’re a heavy fucker,” he grunts, adjusting his stance to keep himself balanced. James turns his head and bites the demon’s nose, growling at the two of them.

The demon just laughs and turns to the vampire. “Can we keep him?”

The vampire blinks. “What? No. He almost bit my goddamn finger off. And, dude, we already have two dogs. I don’t think I can emotionally deal with another.”

James struggles to get away until he feels the demon begin to scratch between his ears and, goddammit, he can’t leave now. 

Steve takes a long look at the two of them and lets out a defeated sigh. “We do need a camera ma-”

The demon doesn’t let him finish speaking before rushing forwards and kissing him full on the lips, inadvertently crushing James between them. The vampire pushes them away almost immediately and wipes his mouth, grimacing. The demon ignores this and rubs James’ stomach with a smile.

He leans in close to James’ ear and mutters, “I’m gonna put you down now. Hurt Steve again and you’re dead.” And, yeah, James is a little intimidated.

As soon as James is on the ground, he takes off running back towards where he parked his car earlier that night.

“We’ll be in touch!” Steve calls.

James doesn’t know how exactly they’ll “be in touch”, but he isn’t looking forward to it.

**Author's Note:**

> Check me out at @ohnomypeas on Tumblr. I didn't come up with the au, but I do some cool shit when I'm not sick.


End file.
